1. |
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It’s been so fucking long
Since I felt what I felt at the forum that day
The fog clears and I inhale 100 meters
And forget about all of the letters I wrote to god
Wishing for rockslides and pillars of affection
And things being the way you wanted
Home alone is never enough for me
I try to stay occupied
Thinking it knows me better than ever before
And that we all forget what we want in life
But I can’t help but long for something more
Something that will hold me tight and never let me go
With a stroke of inspiration I get out of bed, tidy up the house and prepare for evening
I copy number 23 from my notes and hit send
You’re excited to see me
I set the table—fork on the left, knife on the right
My reflection in your eyes in mine
Mother’s sprouts never tasted so good
Waters will always rise on the eastern seaboard
And I cannot continue
I stand up and steal your eyes
Grip the metal on the right
Prop my foot up on the chair
Wavering wildly I declare
I can’t forgive you for all those days
Where metal teeth killed plastic ways
Of getting through my darkest spells
Goodbye my friend I wish you well
I stick the knife in
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2. |
Influence
04:26
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You looked so sweet
You looked so nice
Out there, along on the shore line
For all the world to see, but only for me
I’d send you my love, and you’d requite in red
All my thoughts went to you,
your penthouse, my head
Oh god
you looked so sweet
You looked so nice
My god
And I remember that moment, afternoon in the park
Your Raw fur coat against my tan canvas hide
Brushing shoulders, exchanging hands, sharing eyes
We’d found each other my darling, it all felt so right
Month after month we’d sit and talk at that same spot
I’d noticed your love pine away with our time
Yet still I’ll follow, Gliding under familiar snowy sky lights
Back to 65th and Heaven, where your face rests so fine
And you’d
You looked so sweet
You looked so nice
Back in your penthouse
Is where I’ll be with you
Tonight
Confusion in elevators, they’d asked me a janitor
I chuckled at the cat and mouse you’d put on
Off at the 23rd, in through your threshold now
You turned around, grabbed a knife and screamed
Happy to see me? This act being pushed further than the blade in my shoulder
Our lovers quarrel, trying to subdue you, pushing against glass walls
Startled, I fell away from you, drudged to my hole in the cold
And Realized
You
Never
Knew
Me
The white and red fall
Merging with the concrete beneath
I look out on a city I no longer know
Realizing the damage I’ve done
I recall your handle in my arm as a final reminder of what could have never been
I have no other option from what I must do
And so I bid your city farewell
As the heat in my head gives me no other way but to follow suit
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3. |
Penelope
04:23
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I feel the same thing every single day out on this island
Picking sticks and stacking stones to just survive in
This lonely place where all I have is the birds and the trees and myself
Your ugly faces creep into my dreams at night
Of all the places where you could get up, go, and die
Of every time that your fucked up face held a lie
I touch my teeth
To the eyes of the metal drum
That beats along to your footsteps
Penelope weeps
For 20 years I thought that you and me, we thought the same
Just sitting by the river thinking, drinking thoughts for days
Now I have 6’3” of lead coursing through my veins
Manipulation tactics fill the space between my mind
And the trail of dying wishes that you left behind
Looking back, know I’ll never find peace of mind ever again
I’ll have it your way
40 lifetimes of nothing
Just to feel your touch
You come home and act like everything’s just fine
(Lying out your fucking teeth and)
Every year of pain was a year you were on my mind
(All day you make me think of it)
All those questions and answers will never be found
(Eating lies and spitting blood and)
Writing my blueprints and I know that I need you under the ground
(Right where you belong forever)
And I take the rains
Just like you always did
I take the rains
Just like you always did
For all the things you did, I will not forget those eyes
(Dilate for the time you have left)
When I stood up cleared my throat and freed your mind
(You feel nothing in this choke hold)
Every waking moment that you’re breathing is a needle in my spine
(Terrified you reached up with your hands and touched my heart one last time)
You deserved what I did to you and I can finally rest knowing you’re mine
(I feel the power seeping out of your blood and into mine)
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4. |
P!nk Dr!nk
03:45
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I feel the seasons
Changing underneath me
All your held up reasons
Fall beneath trees
Forget to breathe
Every time
You stand here dyeing
Blood in your hair
P!nk
P!nk is all I see, on the count of three
you come to me blood running down your cheeks onto my shoulder
You tell me you don’t believe I really loved you
and that it’s all the same in death
I step back and wipe my tears and wipe your blood
Feel it again, that sense I understood
Flickering in and flickering out
It’s not roses
I bled for you
It’s what I knew
You opened your heart
You bled it too
No longer attached, I remember my life for once was
Once connected, we’re both at fault
No longer attached, we tore each other both away
Once connected, we both bleed the same
My vision clear now, I see it clear
All our blood
I bled
I bled too
I bled too
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5. |
Ghormeh Sabzi
03:46
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I know what your heart holds
I know what your heart holds
Butterflies
Nest in your eyes
Waiting for your wings to dry
Longing to see you grow
I leave you there alone
Hoping the sun will shine
And leave you lifeless
You did it on your own
There is so much love in the world
There is so much pain in your heart
You’ll just rest here in my arms
You’ll just rest here in my arms
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6. |
Pinprick
06:16
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Embrace the hollow home
Distracts from empty cold
Your comfort, now a pinprick
Lays walls in my veins
And I feel I’ve gotten by
With spoons’ warmth inside
But rock nor balloon can replace
The shelter i had in your face
Embrace hollow homes
Divert, arms not your own
Your comfort, vague and distant
I’d pay to feel it again
Suffering through night in night repeat
Stands and calls refuge, no ends meet
Numbing pain from thoughts of you
Crawl the streets, take in the views
No escape, thoughts intrude, of how I once dug a wound
Behind your eyes, turned them off, well intentioned, but unresolved
With swaying step, turn the corner and gaze
Seeing outlines in the distance in garbage (building?) fire blazes
I still see your face in the fire
feel your warmth by my side
(From the smoke comes a sweet familiar scent
So near, I feel your sweat on my brow)
Draw closer to the light now
The solid figure takes the form of what you once were
(Your taste emerges onto my tongue
Savory just like I remember)
Fall away from the blaze as we once did
Come down from the visions and kneel
(We’ll never be the same now
For all I’ve done and now taken away)
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7. |
In My Angel Eyes You
05:17
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Your love is dried out on the floor
That held our organ from before
That kept me speaking to the core
I pull your letters from the bed
And there’s more
And you say it’s alright
You’ll never feel alone again
In the sky, where we die
You’re talking on the phone again
Moving on, packing bags
I’m never coming home again
I’ll sink a needle in my soul
For giving in when I lost control
I feel your eyes in the sky
And you go higher and higher
And you say it’s alright
You’ll never feel alone again
In the sky, where we die
You’re talking on the phone again
Moving on, packing bags
I’m never coming home again
And I run
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8. |
Teratoma Testimony
05:44
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Where’d you go
I want to taste your breath
I want to hear you bleed
I want to eat your teeth
Is it even worth it any more
If you don’t scream for me
How can I hear you bleed
I want to see your teeth
One last time
(Do you ever feel the earth
Shake beneath you
And you just let it crumble
Again)
Don’t you fucking leave me
I was just getting started
I was just getting comfy
I’ll follow if I have to
I love you
(I fill my hands with earthworms
Tuck the crow between my thighs
And hold on for dear life)
I want
To make you feel
So worth it
My nails in yours
It feels the sun
And tastes like a cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer day
I talked to god
23 and
Prop my foot up
Plastic ways
Butterflies are
In your eyes the
Sun shone bright
So much love and
Packing bags it’s
To the core
All in all the
Blade goes deeper
I love you more
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9. |
Teratoma Tragedy
03:09
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